I can see that it won't take long to "Hope" to find someone that has always been in my dream's!!!! Your thought's and suggestions will be greatly appreciated!
Your website is great. I posted an add of myself on a singles website. I got a few women to reply and I replied back to most of them. I woman I liked the best showed in her profile that she lives in the state of Virginia.
When I got the reply she said that was her friend's profile that she borrowed. She lives in Russia and she was getting a work visa to come to the USA. She said she would fly to me for a wonderful meeting. We exchanged emails and photos for a week and then she said she really likes me. She said she is packing her bags and going from south Russia to Moscow. She emailed me the next day and said she is in Moscow. I felt bad and I wired the money to her.
She pick up the money two days later and said she did not want to walk around with that much money. She told me she going to visa interview in the morning and I wished her good luck. This money is to show US Customs her proof of financial stability.
She said I must send it right away because she already got them to give her a later flight. That is when I new I been riped off for the flight money. I think I might just send her a fake wire transfer number. Her name is Nadezhda Balueva. Watch out for her guys! I did research the flt dates to fly coming and returning. This woman contacted me thru singlesnet and I responded back.
Thought it was weird cause the profile at first said she lived in De. She wrote back and said a friend let her use her name on this site to contact me and she found me by chance. She told me she is 26 and sent pics and she was beautiful to say the least. She left her home town of Arapovka and was flying from Chelyabinsk to moscow to get a work visa after we exchanged several emails and pics, she even sent a naked pic which really surprised me.
I am retired Army and have spent 9 years overseas and found most of the people to be on the up and up. She seemed to be very grateful and then said she had an appointment for an interview with U! S Embassy today to get Visa. I started to think, ok this might not be real and maybe a scam, which now I know it was. I just got an email 15 minutes ago titled Urgent!!! I also found the email address must be blocked from looking up on yahoo. She gave her name as "Anna" Kozlowa hotsunny yahoo.
While I was on yahoo I looked up the travel agency that she told me was to help her with documents. Randa-Travel, , Moscow, Shkolnaya 16, office 11 and email randa-travel narod. Flying to them one in Baltimore and the other in Chicago, and they described the pictures she sent them, One with sister, herself and father, and others with several poses a well as the naked pic lying on the bed, just as these two men described and undoubtedly are the same pics. As well as the flt were ligit as I looked them up on Delta.
That's when I knew I was scammed. I'm more than willing to fwd all the emails if it will help avoid someone else getting ripped off. The fact that she called me yesterday made me feel better, but I started to have a bad feeling about this after reading the blog and researching more all this early am. In fact I haven't been to bed all night because I was researching. I have visited your site before and I should have read more about the scams you posted on it.
As well the US State Dept has a list of scams conserning Russian women, who are really men paying a woman a small fee for pics. I know the money I'll never get back. An expensive lesson for sure. In the beginning it all seemed inocent and professional as the agency sent me the flt info.
I will wait and write this woman or person with a response and it won't be a nice one. What do you reccommend I do next? Should I tell her I know of the scam now? I do however what to go thru your company sometime in the future and take a tour to St Petersburg. Now I must save up to do that and will take awhile. Most Sincerely, Michael in Alabama. Russian Internet Dating Scams The growing popularity of Internet romance has led to the growth of fraudulent online activity directed at Americans.
Is this a Russian Scam? Please click here to read the transcript of an actual call Scam n. How to Waste Time and Lose Money While Searching for a Foreign Bride The best advice that we can give you is to simply contact us if you feel there is something not right in the relationship. Click here for more examples of correspondence our clients have sent us Below is just an example of a recent call we took from a gentleman that was concerned that there was something just not right about the woman he had been writing.
If you have any examples of scams that you were involved with please e-mail them to john loveme. Hi, I was referred to your site from another site that works with scams, they said you guys were very good and could help.
While looking through your site I saw your section on scams and I thought I would take you up on your offer of advice as it relates to possible scams. How can we help you? I have been corresponding with a woman from Lugansk for sometime now, I met her from company other than yours, and she now wants to come here to visit me.
I did not think that it would be easy for her to get a visa, especially from Lugansk, which seems to be the scam capital, but she assured me that she could do it. How did she say she could do it? They would send her on a packaged religious tour, which is how they could obtain the US visa. That price would get her right to my city. That is a classic scam. If you send the money, you will never see the money or the woman again.
The woman may not even exist, there is a good chance that you may be speaking with just one of many people working out of a boiler room operation. Yes, I had a feeling it was not right. I offered to go there to see her and she did not want me to come, kept saying it was a bad idea, and that she should come to see me. That makes sense, she wouldn't want you to come there to see her, especially if she did not really exist. You are much better off going over to meet the women and even then you are much better off going with a group tour, if not ours than take another reputable company, but whatever you do - do not send the money!
Ok thank you very much, I think a group tour may be the way to go as well. The following is a true story, one that should be read carefully by anyone considering corresponding with anyone over the Internet, foreign or domestic. This gentlemen did not meet this person via our service, although no matter what service you use we advise you never to send money and to always consult one of our scam counselors if you are asked for money.
The vast majority of women are sincere and honest. John, I'm writing to tell you my recent encounter of being scammed by a Russian women, pretending to be in Love with over the internet. She first contacted me, through the Filipino Friend Finder web site. She located my pictures and my profile on their site, and she contacted me. She wrote letters with broken English, or with Russian terms for our language. It was all innocent at first, then the letters began describing how she thought it should be destiny, for her to find me this way.
And then when she wrote the first letter, she did not think she would get a reply, but behold she got the reply from me. After that each letter showed more enthusiasm and excitement, and talk of her feelings becoming feelings of love, for such a concerned kind man like me. She told me she only made enough money to maintain her own apartment, but could not afford telephone or home computer.
You have a lot to share! Especially considering the statistics. They lived whatever they thought they had in a bubble. Go see how elicit your feelings are after you have to be REAL for a few weeks. Many who have affairs actually end up becoming addicted.
Not just to the sex or excitement but to the affair partner. When they decide to end the affair they literally go through withdrawl. Those feelings of depression and anxiety and constant agonizing thoughts about the other person lead your spouse to wrongly assuming that because it is so hard to end the affair and because it is so hard to stop thinking about them that they must be meant to be.
Alecia, you know what I will never understand is why they become so addicted to their lovers, what makes their lovers so special or addicting compared to all the love and commitment shown by their spouses.
Would they feel the same way toward their husbands and wives as they do toward their lovers? If they left their spouses would they feel as lost and hopeless as they do after they end their affairs? It is a known fact that addiction plays a huge role in affairs.
I rationally knew if I left my husband for my OM it would be a huge mistake. I never seriously contemplated it. First of all I knew I could never live with myself if I did that to my husband and second I knew on a day to day basis my husband was a great partner. Yet I could not leave my lover.
I tried so many times in the first three years. I never felt at peace and although I like to believe I was a devoted wife to my husband I know at some level it had to affect my marriage. When we broke up for the final time I felt the worst pain of my life. It was akin to the death of my parents. I not only was sick for me I hurt for him and what pain he was going through.
Withdrawal was the pits. I am still not over it and I fear it can start up again at a moments notice. It is a constant struggle in my life and it is the same for him. If your H has made the decision to leave for the OW then let him go.
The newness will only last so long and when the problems of the first marriage start raising there ugly head it will all go pear shaped. It happened to me recently and he is constantly trying to make me jealous which makes me automatically think there is something not quite right. I know if I left my husband I would miss him terribly. He is a wonderful man who deserves the best in life. I honestly think I loved both my husband and my OM. Yes it was double dipping for sure. It was wrong morally etc etc etc Yet part of me will not regret having my OM in my life.
It was the best of times…it was the worst of times. I think when you do meet someone else you connect with like that the friendship is just as hard as the sexual addiction to let go. Of course the sex part is even harder. It is forbidden, it is hot, it is crazy. It is something that is really hard to get in your marriage when you are with someone every day no matter how creative you are.
I use to judge people who cheated and then it happened to me. Trust me you become so out of control it is like a drug you need to have. My life will never be the same and that is my punishment.
I feel like I will love and care for my OM till the end but my decision is to devote myself to my husband.
Noone however knows what the future holds. I can see how you might feel that way. But can I just encourage you to keep working at your marriage? You are in control of your feelings and your thoughts.
And it is an injustice to your marriage to hold on to thoughts and feelings of your OM. If you want your marriage and your heart to heal than you have to be willing to let that go. If not, than yes, I agree, you will continue to struggle and may even fall again.
If you want your marriage to not just survive but thrive you have to get them out of your heart. When your married and you meet someone that makes you feel that way you should get away fast. You know, I think this site has actually answered that question quite well in another post.
They were actually only meeting one or two of their needs. The spouse was meeting the rest. What we have to do as the scorned spouses is learn how to meet all of our spouses needs. It was the nature of our relationship at the time. Yes he was being incredibly selfish in his behavior but I needed to approach it differently. My love language is not words of affirmation so it is something that I have to be deliberate about or I end up not meeting my husbands needs. He would go to work and interact with these women who would throw complements and flirations his way that skyrocketed his feeling of affirmation.
There was such a gap between what I was giving and what the OW was giving that an affair was a definite possibility that eventually became a reality. Sometimes it just happens and some people like excitement in their life. I am probably one of them. Drama always seemed to find me. Your husband may be that type.
You sound wonderful and i admire you talking this out with your husband. My biggest problem with my OM spouse was that until recently she never mentioned what was going on with them. She just played her pretend marriage out and appeared to be content. My OM use to put her on speaker phone so I can hear the conversation. It was so cold between them I could feel the chill. Almost like they were on remote control. I have a great friendship with my husband.
I am glad for you that things seem to back on track with you and your spouse. I wish you the best. As for me I am contemplating going back to no contact. I think I am getting to the point that talking to him even as friends is keeping me from moving on. Putting their conversations on speaker phone for you to listen to? That is incredibly disrespectful. That, as much as anything, made me question why I was with my husband.
How can he be attracted to someone who could be that much of a backstabber? How is someone like that even appealing? You deserver better, but there is no question—none at all—that his wife deserves better still. It is a constant struggle for me to try to separate the reality from the fantasy. Yes our times were great and fun times as opposed to real life things.
I did however, have some awful break ups and of course challenges in the course of all those years with my lover. Sometimes I think we went through more turmoil and angst with each other than our spouses. You know each others children, fears, fantasys, friends. You start to confide in your lover much more than your spouse which is not a good thing.
Things you would never tell your spouse you tell your lover. It is a complicated relationship. You convince yourself that this is enhancing your life and filling it with everything missing in your marriage. I have no illusion that my life would be better if I leave my husband and marry my OM.
I just miss him so badly that I wonder if it will ever go away. And yes I know I am addicted to him yet I feel like I am madly in love. Is there a fine line between addiction and love? One thing I have to say, and I am sure that you are fully aware of this, but I feel for a majority of your married life you have been married to two men. You have your husband who provided companionship, trust, and the security that you feel living with someone on a day to day basis.
Your lover provided the excitement, stimulating conversation, intimacy etc. I can truly understand how difficult it would be to let that go. You have become so accustomed to your lover fulfilling some of your needs while your spouse fulfills the others, that there would definitely be a void in the relationship with your husband. I can understand how close you felt to your lover, but I need to ask a question. You said that you knew each others children, friends, fantasies etc.
Did you know them personally or were you only receiving a perception of them through your lover? I also have heard how easy it is to tell your lover things, why do you think that was? Why is it sometimes so difficult to be honest with our spouses? I also wonder would your lover be so appealing if your husband were completely out of your life?
Would he be able to provide everything you received from being involved in two relationships? Most people involved in an affair are receiving the best of both worlds, even though their marriages are not perfect they are receiving some benefit being in them or they would have left years ago. They also have this other person who they can be free, exciting and fun with. I applaud your willingness to recommit to your marriage. I hope with time you will be able to establish an intimate relationship with your husband.
As you said he is a wonderful man and deserves a wife who loves him. I just wonder if you will be able to give him everything he needs without being completely honest with him about your feelings. Are you seeing anyone to help you sort through all of this? This would be very difficult to handle alone. You have a pretty firm grasp on my situation!
Believe it or not I know of alot of affairs that have lasted this long. I know at least two where the affair went on over 20 years. One eventually left spouse and married lover and the other broke up. After the first few years I did have two husbands basically and I was pretty much devoted to both of them. When you are involved in affair this long there is a certain responsibility that goes along with it. My OM was younger, wealthier, and treated me very well at times. That was the fantasy part.
The expensive gifts, vacations and spa dates. I had amazing sexual chemistry with my lover. Nothing can explain the chemistry we had and it was there from the get go. We also had alot in common. Both of us coached our children in sports, both of us presidents of our own company, both of us middle children in big families, Italian Catholic school kids , same major in college.
We knew each others children mainly by what we communicated but we both did meet each others children once and we both watched each others kids in sports. My husband is a very caring person and I think more adoring of me than my lover was. My lover tended to be more self absorbed. He was able to put me in a compartment when he needed to most likely when the heat was on and that was devastating to me.
It really did become his undoing at the end and was the wake up call I needed. I do want to grow old with my hub and I appreciate how he is always there for me. I know I could never abandon him. It is so complicated but you are right they both fill different needs. I talked to a counselor. She feels both my lover and I have more in common with each other than we do with our spouses. Shocking advice since she is Catholic. Basically my friends and sisters have been a big support system for me.
They kn0w both of them and believe it or not have an attachment to both as well. Their main worry always was that I would get caught and ruin my marriage so they are glad this has ended.
They do understand my angst in making this decision but I think I hide from them the fact that even though it is two years later I am still in turmoil. It is embarrassing to admit that to anyone. I feel like an obsession case. I also have to hear from him how his marriage is worse than ever with me out of the picture. None of it helps! If I could just conquer the no contact thing!! There is no fine line.
Love is selfless, addiction is not. Love is about others, addiction is about getting what you want for yourself. When you get emeshed in an affair it is incredibly hard to see the line and recognize the difference.
I can imagine that what you are going through is agonizing. It reminds me of what a friend said once when encouraging others to not have affairs or even go down the road towards them. Alecia I just recently had to give that advice to a friend. It will be out of your control very quickly. It is the most dangerous game you will ever play. Interesting how you mentioned the OM wife. She became my enemy. I started to hate her and I am not that type of person.
She was trying to gain control over him at the end and it worked. My rational side admires her for fighting. She would kick his butt out, would go after his business and financially he would be in a much different position.
But of course i hated her for it as wrong as that is. Your emotions take over in an affair and all rational thinking goes out the window. I know now that she must have gone through hell with him and I do feel bad. I truly hope he tries with her and leaves me alone. Living this life with a spouse that is devoid of love had to be awful for her.
I did not have that with my husband. We get along and he had no clue. It is crazy but I have a good marriage. I think my OM was jealous of the fact that I truly adore my husband even though he knew my passion was for him. It also crushed his future dreams of wanting to be with me eventually. I made no bones about the fact that I was never leaving no matter what. It makes me strong to hear the other side of the coin and the damage it caused for you.
I am sorry you had to go through this. You know what I told my husband when we were going through this? Soul mates are created. They are also someone you have a deep connection with on all levels: Caught my wife texting an old friend that in the beginning she told me about and I was ok with because she knows I trust deeply. Then she started to hide it and I caught her. A month later on our anniversary she out of the blue told me I never have to be paranoid about him ever again.
Six weeks ago, I cought her in a lie about who she was texting. She tried to say it was our sun and when she knew the gig was up. She told me she loves him and me both the same. She had two kids prior to us which was a very emotionally and physically abusive. He beat her in front of her own kids and cheated on her three times.
She finally left him for good with the support of her close friends. I met her at the age of 22and dropped my youth to be there for her amd her beautiful children. Swore from day one knowing what she has been through that I would never dishonor and make her look as fool. Now she did that to her self. I have been an amazing husband and father she says, but she has a lot of shit going on in her head.
I have spent the last six weeks remindingnher of how she is my whole world which is weird because she knows it very much already. Just take it one day a t a time but now she has told our son. So now I give her time and space to figure out my future and the future of our family.
She even said when drunk one night a few days ago that she wants her cake and eat it too. No sex, no nothing. But yet she says she loves me the same as ever. She shows more love to the cats then me. Knowing I did everything right….. Our oldest kids are demanding she cuts the contact immediately.
Or there moving out. Planing on leaving for a week to show her life with out me around. Hope it wakes her up to see what she has. I know sometimes people need to loose in order to see what they have in front of them. I have really enjoyed everyones comments.
It has made me view my situation very differently. You may want to think through why. Were you passionate with the other man because of who he was, or you who you were with him? Sort of silly, I know, but sometimes our expectations drive our results. Just something to think about. My OM is 20 years younger than my husband. My hub 10 yrs older, my OM 10 years younger. Hate to admit it but besides the newness factor, physical attraction plays a role in the passion area.
We are talking about 6 pac abs here vs slight pop belly. Sounds shallow but it is what it is. My husband though looks good for his age and certainly not in bad shape but physically hard to compete with a man 20 years younger. He is a better man and I know this in my heart. I just need to accept that I need to give that up to maintain my sanity. I think he was kind to her. There just was nothing between them. In retrospect I think he was trying to justify his cheating to me.
Mine was due to medical problems with my husband that took our sex life away. So he wanted me to know he was in a cold marriage. Do I think that is her fault? No and the longer I am away from him the more I think he was a big contributor as well.
I think one of the things that bonds you is complaining about your spouses. It is a weird thing. Maybe we were both trying to justify a wrong thing. It just felt so good and it hurt so much every time we tried to walk away. This time I am doing well and no contact was the way to go. I put a stop to it all and I am doing well.
My husband cheated with his coworker who is also married but with children. I have read all your responses and I can say I was shocked that some were suggesting the wife is partly to blame because there were problems in the marriage. EVERY marriage have problems, it is up to both to make sure they make it work.
I am divorcing my husband and he was shocked, it never occurred to him I would walk away. The fact I refuse to let him get away with his error made him respect me. The best chance for the wife to keep the husband is to kick him out of the house and make him realize what he gave up for the OW.
That will drive a wedge in their relationship because he will always look at her and think he lost a good woman because of her. I found out last month that my H was having an affair. He is 36, she is Aug 23 I had a Terrible nightmare that my H was cheating on me. I went into his email and found proof that he WAS. Strange, according to him that night was the first time they had sex. He met her Aug, 17, slept with her Aug, 23, them moved in with her a few days later.
I should mention that he started a new job Aug, 1 3 hours away. So he was staying with a friend during the week, and driving home on the weekends. Yes, the marriage was in bad shape. The weekend after I found out we spoke about the situation. Weeks later he now says, that he is not sure of his feelings for her anymore, that he is still in love with me. That he has always loved me, and that he needs time to make the new me a reality in his mind.
That the old memories of him and I are still too strong. That he needs to be sure what path will bring him true happiness. He is having sex with both of us.
We have amazing sex now. Even though the pain of knowing he is with someone else during the week is most painful for me. It does not benefit either of us to discuss that situation right now. I tried, he became short, and irritated. He has said in the past that he does not sleep well while he is there, but does while he is here. I am willing to suffer through this for as long as I can. They will either benefit my marriage, or benefit my new life without him.
We have three children under the age of 8, and a TON of debt. He has admitted that he has not thought through what would really happen if we got a divorce. This has been very helpful for me. I have been married for only 4 years.
In those 4 i have had 2 children. I discovered my H was having an affair when i was 2 months pregnant with my second. I confronted him and he denied it.
A month later he left me for 5 terrible weeks. Then came back to work on the relationship. He still would not come clean about his affair so we could not work on our relationship. To top it off, I started going into preterm labor and was put on bed rest for the last 4 months of my pregnancy. Very sad and stressful times. I was always in fear that he would leave when i had the baby.
He left me when the baby was 10 weeks old. Still not telling me about the affair. He has been moved out for 6 months now and everything has come out. He met another married woman at work with 2 children of her own, he is in love with her and is not coming back.
Now she has left her family to be with him. Understanding the dynamics of what their relationship is built on has helped. I truly want him to come back, but i feel like i just need to give up and not speak to him. I have been exercising and i am in even better shape then when we first met. I am thinking of going back to school. My kids are the center of my universe. Ive been going to therapy to work on the issues i have that contributed to the breakdown of my marriage since he left 6 months ago.
Where do i go from here with him? I am not sure if i should give up and just let the cookie crumble as it should. I feel like eventually we would have some major flirtation going on but should i feed into that? My husband is having an affair with another woman. I found out 3 wks ago because he had been acting suspicious.
So I asked him. And he admitted to meeting the other woman at a club. He loves to dance. I was stupid enough to let him go have fun by himself. Our marriage was in trouble before the affair. He says he tried so many times to fix the marriage. I know he did. And I didnt do anything about it. Its too late now for me to fix anything. I admit my faults, but it takes two people for a marriage to make it work or not work. Even though I know I am responsible for not working on my marriage when I needed to.
I am deeply hurt by his actions. He has always been a great husband and father. But since he left my daughter and I. Hes a completely different person. He hurts me every chance he gets. He says he doesnt love me, he doesnt want to hurt me. Hes hardly sees his daughter anymore. His mind and body are in another place. He has lost touch with reality. Just like some people said on their comments. Hes acting like a teenager.
I realize hes not worth fighting for. I hurts my heart that someone you love can hurt you so much. I know I have to get on with my life, but is is so hard and painful when I see my 2 yr old baby suffering as well. Because she hardly sees her dad anymore. He is so selfish now. I want to be strong for me. I know that if I am okay my daughter will be too.
I know I have to hurt before I can get better. We have been married 24 years, together 27 years and have 3 sons who are 18 and up. I asked what he meant and he just cried and when I would ask again, he would say, oh it was nothing. Yet he continued to pull away from me and our boys.
We went to Hawaii a year ago and I could feel his distance however we were intimate every day and night. Came home and again felt the distance. I confronted him and he flat out denied it. Fast forward to May and he confessed after I just had it one day and was really upset. The shock, hurt, anger was and is something I had never experienced. This all happened in the midst of our middle sons college graduation, our youngest sons high school graduation and our older son flying in with his girlfriend who is now his fiance so we could meet her.
During all this I had to pretend when my life was in turmoil. I had to endure his comments about our horrible marriage, everything I did wrong, how she taught him what a real relationship was like she is married too with 3 children , blah, blah, blah. Well caught him in more lies, they continued seeing each other, I finally found out who it was with after I located their secret pay as you go phone. Yep it was Ji — — from our gym, made me sick. They ended it several times only to have one of them start it up again.
They were not seeing each other or having sex but managed to have short conversations at the gym, she even sent messages via other gym members to my husband. Ernestine, Catastrophe Queen Hardcover.
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